


Change in the Cushions

by Threshie



Series: Prompt-based Works [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying Castiel (Supernatural), Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Flashbacks, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Moving Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 17:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21497545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threshie/pseuds/Threshie
Summary: Sam and Cas think back on all the memories attached to the beaten up couch in their old shared apartment. The couch they’re leaving behind. It’s been with them the entire time they dated, and now everything is about to change.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Series: Prompt-based Works [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604302
Comments: 22
Kudos: 49
Collections: Sastiel Reverse Bang 2019





	Change in the Cushions

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for checking out my very first bang fic. ♥ This was written for the Sastiel Reverse Bang, and I was inspired entirely by a short prompt and lovely artwork by my artist Kaianieves! Please give her masterpost a look/see [right here](https://kaianieves.tumblr.com/private/189177567296/tumblr_7CJj2SVDDsnwZNeaA) and show her some love!
> 
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy the fic!

Today is the day, and Castiel isn’t ready. He’s shared this apartment with Sam for years, and stripping it down to its bare walls feels like washing away everything that has come to make it feel like home. It’s done, though. 

They’re done dating. 

They talked and talked before finally deciding on this. The two of them were roommates and friends first, so they’re able to be as honest and practical with each other as possible. This is what’s best.

That doesn’t make it ache any less, emptying out the apartment room by room. Cas can hear Sam in the kitchen, and the click and clatter of dishes and silverware reminds him of all of the meals they’ve shared in this place, too.

The dining table is already gone. So is the bed, their big old shared bed that Cas is going to miss waking up in, curled in Sam’s arms. It feels empty in here, but it’s the last day — most of it’s already done. The only piece of furniture left is the big beaten up old couch in the living room.

Cas puts down the box he’s been packing with the framed pictures from the walls — his bee photography, some that he doesn’t have any other copies of — and goes to the couch. He and Sam bought it the day they moved into this place together. 

It was less faded back then, the cushions all free of sags and stains and tears. Cas can practically still feel Sam’s big hand in his as he remembers them looking at it together in the store.

_ “It’s brand new,” Cas whispered, like somebody might overhear them. “We should go to the thrift store, Sam.” _

_ “It’s an investment,” Sam insisted, lifting Cas’s hand to press a kiss to his knuckles. That smile with those dimples was dazzling, and Cas felt flustered to have it aimed at him no matter how many times it happened. Sam was amazing. How did he ever get so lucky? _

_ “Black is sort of a plain color, but it does look very comfortable.” Cas turned his gaze to the sofa again thoughtfully. He tried to picture him and Sam cuddled up on the overstuffed cushions, and liked what he saw. _

_ Sam slipped an arm around his shoulders, looking at the couch, too. He rested his forehead against Castiel’s hair. Cas loved the feeling of that. Sam was so much taller than him, but it was a cute kind of gesture. _

_ “Hey, at least it’s not plaid like Dean’s.” _

A small crash from the kitchen snaps Cas out of his thoughts, and he sighs, patting the couch’s threadbare arm fondly. They talked about the couch, too, and neither has a car big enough to move it, so they’re leaving it here. It’s the end of an era, the couch and the home they’ve made here. 

Cas has never been good with change, and he’s struggled not to cry a few times as they’ve packed things up, given things away… Thrown things away. Sam seems to be handling all of this much better. But, then, this was his idea to begin with. 

And Cas still isn’t ready.

* * *

Cas has been really quiet this morning. 

Sam knows he’s struggling with this, but there’s no other way to do it. This was inevitable. The apartment’s already been rented to someone else at the end of the week — they have to have everything out today so that the cleaning service can get it ready. Getting it ready means scrubbing away any remaining sign of the years Sam and Cas spent here, calling it home. 

It’s been a good home, too, the most rooted Sam has ever felt. He spent his childhood hopping town to town with Dean and Dad, and dating Cas has been the steady security he always wanted growing up. After all of this time, the thought of _ not _ dating Cas is strange and uncomfortable. But they talked about this, and they can’t keep going this way. It’s not fair to either of them. 

Sam has been arranging the DVDs in neat stacks on the floor, and stands and moves aside when Cas arrives with a big cardboard box. They don’t talk or look at each other; Cas just gets on his knees and starts to pack the DVDs up, his blue eyes sad. Sam’s guilty for being the start of all of this, but it’s impossible to turn back now. Cas will adjust, it’ll just take time.

This’s how it should be. It’s tough to tell himself that, though, when he looks at the couch and remembers once again that it’s staying here with the apartment. Like all of this other change, he’s sure it’s for the best, but the couch is like an old friend. It’s stuck by him and Cas through thick and thin. It’s so worn out not because it’s a bad couch, but because it’s well-loved, because it’s been so _ good _…

_ “It’s done,” Cas called from the kitchen. Sam smothered a yawn under his hand. The fresh coffee smelled like heaven, and his boyfriend looked like an angel carrying the steaming mug right to him at the coffee table. _

_ “Thanks, Cas,” Sam said gratefully, sitting up from his textbook for the first time in a couple of hours. It was finals week, and if he’d thought finals were tough at his two-year college, the four-year university ones were stupid difficult. They were also on a short deadline, which was why he was pulling an all-nighter for the second time in the same week. _

_ Cas had insisted on staying up all night with him for moral support. Both times. _

_ It would have been a big gesture from anybody, but especially so from Castiel. Sam’s boyfriend was not what anyone would describe as a “morning person” and he tended to sleep like the dead. It took a pot of coffee in the morning before he could really function beyond taking a shower or mumbling good morning. _

_ And Cas really, really needed his sleep. After the first all-nighter earlier that week, Sam had been like a zombie the next day, but Cas had literally slept the entire day. Despite that, here he was, taking a seat on the couch beside Sam with coffee for both of them and pretending he was actually interested in the legal textbook Sam was using as a reference. _

_ The guy really was an angel. _

_ Sam sipped his coffee, held Cas’s hand, and tried to focus his sleepy eyes on the textbook. It was easy to lose track of time while this tired, especially while reading, and he had no idea how long it had been by the time he looked up again. _

_ “I think I’m actually done,” he said in disbelief, checking his watch. 3:45 AM. _

_ A soft snore made him glance at Cas, who had been resting his head on Sam’s shoulder awhile. He was fast asleep, and this close Sam could admire his dark hair and the scruff on his chin more easily than usual. Cas had such a square jaw, such a perfect nose. He didn’t know how gorgeous he was, even after Sam had told him many times. _

_ Sam burst into a big yawn, and shifted to hug Cas with one arm. There was a loud ‘CLUNK’ that made him jump slightly. Cas remained out like a light as Sam peered over his shoulder, and realized he’d fallen asleep still holding his half-finished mug of coffee. _

_ The mug that was now on the floor, and the coffee that was now blooming in a big stain across the nearest arm of the couch. _

_ Well, at least the couch was dark enough to hide most stains. _

Sam runs his hand over the faded mark where the coffee landed so long ago. The couch has worn the stain (which actually made a faded spot) like a badge of honor since that fateful all-nighter, and it hasn’t made it any less comfortable (although maybe it’s looked a little more tacky to visitors.) 

It’s tough to imagine never cuddling up with Cas on the couch again. It’s hard to comprehend no longer being Cas’s boyfriend. It’ll sink in sooner or later... Right?

* * *

It’s getting late. Cas is folding a big stack of blankets on the couch one by one. Sam is clearing out the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Cas can hear the little rattle of pills in bottles, and the squeak of the cabinet door that they never really got around to oiling.

Blankets and couch are bringing back memories both miserable and wonderful. How can a memory about having the flu be this sweet?

_ Cas sighed as a new wet, cool towel was placed on his forehead. He was so feverish that he felt dizzy, and he’d had to take the day off from work. _

_ There was a shift in the couch’s soft cushions as Sam sat beside him, and he felt fingers petting gently over his hair. _

_ “You don’t have to do this,” Cas said miserably. It was so comforting that he would’ve been very sad if Sam actually stopped, but he had to say it. It was drilled into him from how life had been growing up with his family. They never took sick days, never let people rest up on the couch. You just soldiered on, and on, and on. His brothers would think Cas was being pathetic to lay on a couch all day and shiver like this. _

_ Sam was far removed from anybody else Cas had ever lived with, though, in the best way. _

_ “If you think I’m going to class and leaving you alone all day like this, you must be delirious from the fever,” Sam informed him. Cas’s look up at him must have been a sad one, because his boyfriend’s expression softened immediately. He leaned in and kissed Cas’s forehead. “It’s no trouble — _ you’re _ no trouble, Cas. I like spending time with you, even sick you.” _

_ “I’m glad you’re here,” Cas admitted, closing his eyes. He sighed slowly. “I’m sure it’s boring, though. I can’t do anything but lay around.” _

_ “You could watch a movie with me,” Sam suggested. _

_ A distraction sounded really nice about then, so Cas agreed. His arms felt weak and shaky when he sat himself up on the couch. Sam noticed, though, and the next thing Cas knew he was being rearranged to lay on the couch with his feet toward the end. Sam put Cas’s pillow on his lap and got Cas to rest his head there, then went back to combing fingers slowly through his hair, smiling down at him. _

_ “You look a little star-struck, there, Cas. Still with me?” _

_ Castiel wasn’t starry-eyed from his fever, and his face wasn’t flushing because of that either. He’d just realized all over again that he loved Sam so very much. It left him speechless, trying to come up with how to say that, so he didn’t. _

_ “Y… Yes,” he managed, turning his eyes to the dark TV screen. “You pick the movie, okay?” _

_ Sam spread one of the blankets on the couch over Cas before reaching for the remote. _

Cas runs his fingers over the top blanket in the stack, realizing that it’s the same one Sam put over him back then. The tan one with the brown and orange plaid. Nobody had ever taken care of him on a sick day like that before. Being so ill shouldn’t be a good memory, but it is somehow. He almost wishes he was sick again, so they would stop all of this in its tracks. 

Maybe Sam might even stay with him on the couch and just watch a movie together, like old times. It’s making a big lump form in Cas’s throat, knowing that that’s impossible. 

He sighs. The day is going by too fast, and there’s no chance for one more night in this apartment. This is it.

* * *

Sitting down might have been a mistake. Sam has been running around all day, lifting boxes, packing things. He barely took the time to eat a granola bar for lunch, and now, with the sun setting outside, he’s sitting on the old beaten up couch and having a cup of coffee one last time.

Everything today feels like ‘one last time.’ Cas is obviously struggling with all of this, but also seems determined not to say a word about it. Sam’s sad to be the cause of pain for him. He doesn’t want that, but somebody had to be the one to do this. They were always headed here, no matter how comfortable and how settled in they’ve felt together over the years. 

He sips his coffee, running his fingers absently over the smooth spot with the turned up edges on one corner of the couch. It’s old, slightly-frayed duct tape, and it’s Sam’s fault. 

_ He’d done it. Sam had worked his ass off for years for this, and he was on cloud nine the whole way home. He’d passed. He was going to graduate with a Bachelor’s degree in Law. Cas had been unshakably sure he would pass for weeks now, standing by Sam as he studied, and lost sleep, and stress ate things he normally wouldn’t touch. Sam wanted to thank him somehow for being such a great supportive boyfriend. _

_ It wasn’t nearly enough, but he’d picked up Thai food on the way home, to celebrate. Now, as he sneaked through the front door with the intention of surprising Cas, Sam’s gaze caught a glint of shiny glass. He realized that the dining room table was set with the nice plates and wine glasses. He saw a vase of white daisies in the middle, strangely cute in their fancy surroundings. There were tall blue candles set up in metal candle holders as a centerpiece, and the table was set for two. _

_ Oh, no. He’d bought dinner, and Cas… Was Cas cooking…? _

_ Hiding the takeout bag behind his back, Sam tip-toed over to lean and peer into the kitchen. Sure enough, there was Castiel in a white T-shirt and Sam’s favorite PJ pants — blue and white pinstripes, adorably oversized on Cas. He had their red plaid ‘kiss the cook’ apron on, too, and was pulling the big white ceramic baking dish out of the oven. The scent of cheese sauce and bacon suddenly hit Sam over the head, and he suppressed the urge to chuckle, but it was hard. _

_ Baked mac and cheese with bacon bits. It had been their favorite ‘fancy’ dinner when they’d first moved in and were both flat broke. Now they could buy any food they wanted, but it was special — it was their dish. Cas, still believing Sam would pass at the university no problem, had everything all ready to celebrate with him. _

_ Sam backed slowly away, then turned and sprinted as silently as he could for the door. He was so stupid in love with Cas right now that he couldn’t think straight, though — he turned and rammed one of the takeout boxes straight into the corner of the couch. _

_ It poked a hole in the fabric and crunched the corner of the box at the same time. The couch slightly smelled like oyster sauce now. Sam hurried outside and left the takeout on the neighbors’ porch, hoping they’d know it was a gift from him and Cas, then scrambled back into the apartment. _

_ Castiel was just stepping out of the kitchen with oven mitts on. He was carrying the giant steaming dish of baked mac and cheese, and he hadn’t noticed Sam yet. Sam sneaked past him while Cas was putting the dish on the table, and by some miracle he managed to slap a piece of duct tape over the hole in the couch. _

_ Cas had noticed the tape, of course, but not right away. He and Sam were too busy toasting each other with grape soda in wine glasses and fine dining on mac and cheese for the rest of the evening, making heart eyes at each other. _

A sound makes Sam jump, snapping him out of his nostalgic thoughts. It’s just Cas stepping out of the bedroom with the last bag of his clothes, though. He’s still sad and silent. 

Sam places his empty coffee mug on the floor beside the couch since there’s no coffee table anymore. Now he’s feeling a little sad, himself. Things were so simple and sweet back when he’d graduated, and he sort of misses it. He’s still sure this is the only direction they’ve been headed all along, but seeing Cas struggling with it truly bothers him. 

Maybe he’s just thinking too much again.

“I-I’m gonna grab some dinner,” he tells Cas, and rushes out the door so fast he forgets to pick up his coffee mug from the floor.

* * *

Castiel sits on the couch right where Sam was sitting, looking down at his forgotten mug sadly. What are they doing? Why couldn’t they have just stayed like this forever? He certainly never felt this welcome and free to be himself with his own family growing up. This apartment and this couch are home to him, in a way that he’s never had before he met Sam. He doesn’t want that to go away.

Why doesn’t Sam feel that way, too? 

The couch in particular was with them the whole time they were dating. It’s a loss to leave it behind, the way this whole move is. Sam seems perfectly okay, though, and that stings all on its own.

His throat feels tight, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t keep the tears out of his eyes. He’s not ready, and Sam is. 

* * *

Sam arrives home with Thai food, hoping it might cheer Cas up. It’s too late, though — when he steps through the door he sees his former boyfriend sitting on the couch with his shoulders hunched, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. 

“Cas…” Sam hurries over, placing the takeout boxes aside to sit beside him and slip his arms around him. Cas moves right into the hug without a fuss, burying his face in Sam’s shoulder. 

“S-Sam, I-I don’t know if I can do this,” he says hoarsely. Cas is a quiet kind of guy — he almost never cries or even gets angry. Seeing him so upset makes Sam’s heart ache. He rubs Cas’s back gently, rocking them back and forth.

“What, move? We’re practically done by now,” Sam says. “You’re not having second thoughts about all this, are you?”

Cas hugs him tighter, shaking his head against Sam’s shoulder.

“O-of course not, I just…” He trails off and sits there for a moment, calming himself with a deep breath or two. Leaning back, he turns sad blue eyes up toward Sam’s face. “It’s the couch, Sam. I-I’m not sure I can leave it behind. It’s like a… A monument, to our relationship. It’s stood by us while we stood by each other.”

Sam starts to chuckle at how emotional Cas is getting over an old couch, but the next thing he says stops any laughter in its tracks.

“What if we can’t make the house home like this? It’s been so wonderful, and I-I don’t want to lose it, and what if we can’t go back, if…” He trails off again, several new tears rolling down his cheeks. Sam gets it now, why he’s been struggling so much.

“Hey, everything’s gonna be okay,” he says gently, cradling Cas’s face with one hand. He leans in and places soft kisses on his former boyfriend’s cheeks. His former boyfriend’s, and his new husband’s. “I promise, the new place is going to be great. It’s not this apartment, and it won’t have this couch, but it’ll still have you in it, so it’ll be home to me. A home we own, Cas.”

Cas looks up at him, and Sam leans in until their foreheads are touching, smiling.

“We might get old and saggy like the couch, but I promise I’m never throwing us away, okay?”

Cas looks in danger of smiling at that, drying his tears with one of his sweater sleeves.

“Y-yes, now that we’re married you would have to get the law involved for that.”

Sam laughs and kisses his lips this time.

“Yeah, and I’m no divorce lawyer. Luckily for us, we’re never getting divorced,” he says warmly. Cas slips a hand into his and squeezes it, smiling finally. Sam loves him so damn much he might die. Later, after a long happy life together, that is.

They have one last meal sitting on the comfy old couch, with its sagging cushions and stains and patches, and then they hold hands and walk out the apartment door together. It’s time to spend the night in their new house — the place that will soon be their new home. 

They’ll start new memories with a new couch to match the new stage in their lives. Who knows what marks the new one will have, what change will end up in those cushions? 

Only time will tell.

**Author's Note:**

> THE END. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the story and artwork! Comments and kudos are always super appreciated! ♥


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